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12 November 2008 @ 05:41 pm
if someone is going to go get their permit you are NOT allowed to be happy for them because it's THEIR permit, not yours.

so you're not allowed to be happy for them?

apparently you're not doing your job as an artist if someone who quickly walked by your not-finished painting couldn't quite tell what it is.

that makes you a bad artist?

questions are bad. period. don't ask a question because it might offend someone. oh! and if you want an answer, say please, and ask nicely. people get mad if you ask questions that are seemingly innocent.

that's true?

don't encourage people to do stuff. if they quit, don't say anything. they quit, and don't want you to try to get them to start again, even if they really should, because they're amazing at it.

so they should totally give up on it?

if you like someone's outfit one day, do NOT say anything because it offends them. even if they look really pretty in that new piece of clothing, don't tell them.

they don't want the compliment?
Current Location: home at last
Current Mood: wondering
Current Music: it's not over--secondhand serenade
11 November 2008 @ 03:12 am
Well I finally got my present from Vicky. I really, really like it, cause I like bath and body works. It kind of makes me re-think what I'm getting her...I mean I wouldn't want to seem like I was "stalking" her or being overt pushy, but I've been thinking about this present for a while, and think that it's what i'm gonna get her. Who knows though, I might piss her off asking a seemingly harmless question and get my head bitten off and decide not to give it to her. We still have a month and a few weeks left, so we'll see what in the world happens then. As I know, my whole world can change in a day...
Current Location: my room
Current Mood: wondering and lost
Current Music: josh groban, you raise me up
08 November 2008 @ 02:46 pm
wasn't actually expecting her to come.
not really surprised that she hasn't.
still hurt that she didn't.
Current Location: about to go to work
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: only hope, mandy moore
05 November 2008 @ 06:54 pm

i guess my birthday was alright. i mean, the presents were great, having people over was cool, dinner and the salon were unexpected. but through the whole thing, there was something missing. brianna shouldn't've been sitting next to me at dinner, brianna shouldn't've slept next to me, brianna shouldn't've made a cookie trail with me and paige, brianna shouldn't've been there. it's not that i don't like her, it's just that vicky should've been there. she should've been with me at dinner and slept over and if she had even showed up, i wouldn't have literally turned 16 making a cookie trail up to her house on the slight possibility that she would come down and grant me my birthday wish. I'd have been doing something with her and paige instead of wishing she was there at all.
like i said, my birthday wasn't bad, but the one thing, the only thing that i wanted, i didn't get. and it's all my fault, if i hadn't been all ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! retarded and emotional and stupid for the last few weeks then maybe i wouldn't be in this mess, maybe vicky would've stayed over, or at least cared that it was my birthday at all. that way, maybe i wouldn't be writing to myself every day and night feeling like crap and act like nothing is happening with her. i'm just talking and laughing with vicky like before all this, and the only thing that's different is that she doesn't seem to care about anything i have to say and doesn't have anything to say back. i wish i hadn't screwed up, i wish i could take it all back, i wish it would change, but wishes? they just don't come true.
this whole thing is stupid, i feel so pathetic for letting this affect me like it has, but i can't control it. writing now is so pointless, it hasn't even helped me, i mean that's just so surprising, writing always helps. with me liking cj it helped, with taylor it helped, with vicky's secret it really helped, with katrina it also helped, and now, when i need writing to ease these feelings away it refuses. i just don't understand how this is affecting me so ridiculously. i hate this so much, like why did i have to react the way it did? why did i have to go off on something like that? why did i have to ruin my friendship? why did i have to do anything at all? i don't want new friends, i don't want to fight, i don't want to be awkward, i just want to be friends. i want what i probably will never get back, our friendship.
Current Location: anywhere but here, alaska
Current Mood: hurt
Current Music: sad october
02 November 2008 @ 04:17 pm
I DON'T WANNA TURN 16!!!!!!!!! i mean, i do, but not right now. maybe another few weeks or so, when what i want is actually possible. i only want one thing for my birthday, and now i'm not going to get it. i know it's stupid, but every night i wake up in time to make my wish at 11:11, but i guess that magical time can't work on this. and that just really really sucks.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: suckish
Current Music: only hope, mandy moore
01 November 2008 @ 09:36 pm
no story. no journal. no words. just a feeling. crestfallen.
Current Location: home
Current Music: only hope: mandy moore
01 November 2008 @ 05:27 pm
i can hear myself talk, but I don't understand it. It doesn't sound like i'm saying real words, it sounds like a jumbled mess. Who knew that I could be so affected by something? Every week since the last week in September there has been something wrong. The stress has built up and I've been pushed over the edge. I don't know what's private and what's public. What's for who and who's for what. And I don't really care. I'm not even excited for my birthday on Tuesday. For once in my life, writing has not helped me get over an obstacle. For once writing has not and cannot save me.
Current Location: work
Current Mood: incoherent
Current Music: only hope by Mandy Moore
31 October 2008 @ 07:44 pm
i changed my mind. i don't want to be acquaintence friends, i can't handle it. i don't want to be friends like i'm friends with brianna now, i want what we had back. i want to be close. i want to change this whole mess. why do i have to be so dumb sometimes. why do i have to be an idiot. i basically walked away from the only friend who has ever REALLY listened. i was hoping that she would disagree to be acquaintence friends, that she wouldn't want that for us, but maybe that's all this friendship ever was. if she can so readily agree, maybe i need to too. that's the point though, i don't want to. i just want to rewind the week and re-do it. maybe at the end of it, i'd actually have what i'm missing so much now.
Current Location: computer
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Current Music: only hope by mandy moore
28 June 2008 @ 03:36 am
Early Morning Ranting Journal:

We are so pissed with people and their drama-shit attitudes. People need to grow the fuck up and get lives. Everyone is a bitch so deal with it, don't multiply your bitchiness and assume the drama will stop. You're just increasing it! So i know of a few people who should grow up, and stop being more bitchy than they have to.
If you DON'T want to do something, don't pretend that you do, and if you have a problem with someone, don't JUST talk about it behind their backs (you can do that). Here's a fabulous idea: talk to them!! Maybe they can shed some light on WHY they're acting the way they are, and they might not actually KNOW that they did anything wrong at all.
When you have important news, don't FACEBOOK it, or MYSPACE it, because people aren't necessarily looking for a change in status or mood or location. So text it, call people, or even *gasp* tell them in person, because if you don't then the people that you don't tell will say something about it, ergo, making jack-asses of themselves. All the while it was YOUR FAULT they were put in that position. Don't screw with people's feelings, because you DON'T KNOW what they feel, or what you'll do to them WHEN you break up with them--and you can make people hate you for life. Don't be an intentional attention whore.
The final argument is that people should stop leading destructive relationships! Boyfriends/Girlfriends are NOT meant to be dragged around on a pretty little leash, they are there to be your equal. And also stop interfering with other people's relationships!!! (this cannot be emphasized enough) Stop trying to purposely destroy relationships that you don't want to see happen because you want them for yourself! So...FUCK OFF!
In conclusion, people need to grow up. And they know who they are(there's a paragraph about each of them), and i hope they read this. We may act a little immature as well but we are mature enough to admit it and apologize when called out. Whereas SOME people take the immature route and ignore/use violence/gossip when confronted. So take this info, shove it up your ass, and treasure it forever!
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
13 June 2008 @ 11:13 am
I am thinking Vicky should come down to my house for strawberries!!!